i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
