Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
