i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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