I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
