i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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