Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
