the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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