If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
