How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
