They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
