Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
They have beer where we have blood.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
