Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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