I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
