took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
