There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
