there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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