I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I seem to have left my pride at pride
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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