so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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