Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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