Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
