She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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