Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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