thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
