So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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