real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
