She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
