I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
