I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
