is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
