Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
