I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
