Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
