i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
