I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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