How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
