I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
