A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
