I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
