Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
