Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
