Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
