I want to have your abortion
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
