is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
