my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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