Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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