If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
