ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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