Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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