I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
