so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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