make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
